Be no more than His puppet
As I sat up today, folded my quilt and made my bed, I couldn't help but reflect a little on my past life.
I tried to squint my eyes and focus on the small weaver bird chirping on a tree.
And all of a sudden, I felt jealous of this bird - 'cause it had a fulfiling life (or so I thought).
It had a life, a pair of wings to fly (wherever it willed), a partner and a nest.
That was probably all it had, but it was happy, rather very happy.
I would often hear its melodious cooing, and get lost in the rhythm.
But not today.
Today was different, for the same bird that made me happy daily, filled me with envy today.
It had ALL that it wanted, but I - didn't.
A couple of weeks ago, I saw it put tremendous efforts to build its nest - against the gusts of wind; and so had God been seeing me put in all the hard labour since months and months on end.
So then why did it have a nest ready in the end, but I didn't reap the benefits of what I had sown?
Agreed, there were moments when the bark straws flew away with the wind, and it had to start again from the scratch; but so had I.
Sometimes I wonder - is life really this complicated? Or 'we' intricate it with our expectations, and beliefs, and desires?
Maybe, if I just had the will to focus on each day with the intent of survival - like my muse, life would be much simpler.
But sadly, I have my goals, my ambitions and my desires to fulfil. And that, makes it difficult to digest failure and rejections.
Why can't I get it all - the way I want it, whenever I want it and which ever way I want it? After all, I just did not sit with my hands folded and expect God to dirty his hands.
I did all I could to have what I wanted.
So if my muse could succeed in building its nest, why can't I?
And this made me reflect on my readings of the Gita.
Lord Krishna taught Arjuna to just fight the battle, without expecting or getting attached to the results.
But how often is that possible?
What would you tell a child who failed his exam despite having given his best?
After all, if he is studying, isn't it human to expect results?!
And that's what I did.
Expected results, expected outcomes, but all I got was - retribution.
This made me sour.
I decided, that I badly needed to have a word with God - to ask him what it takes to get benediction from Him, even after doing my Karma.
And see His glory!
While I closed my eyes and sat for my daily meditation ritual, I realised that the bird just focussed on the end goal, and lived through the process.
What if it had wanted to build the nest in the very first attempt possible?
What if it had had wanted the nest to be ready by the very next day?
What if it had wanted its nest to be a certain size and colour only?
But no. It hadn't.
Building the nest was the goal.
What colour - left to God.
By when - left to God.
In what attempt - left to God.
And it hit me.
This is what I've been doing wrong my whole life - choosing and driving the why, when and how of the events.
What I can just do is - let God help me figure out the purpose I've been assigned, work through and learn through the journey and help Him create the impact He wants.
I am chosen for a purpose.
It will come to me, at the right time, in the right way.
I just have to focus on the pedals, 'cause God is behind the steering wheel.
Every step takes me closer to my destination, and ultimately fulfiling my purpose.
Every time I take the helm in my hand and swerve to avoid a pothole, I realise I land up in a bigger trouble. I could just see the road in front of me, but God knew the entire stretch.
But you see, this doesn't go in vain. That bigger trouble again teaches me to trust the steerer of the wheel, and have faith in his plans.
I started seeing troubles and failures in a new light today.
God sends hurdles our way to reinforce our belief in Him.
Because the day we get what we want, we'll stop acknowleding the fact that its after all God who reigns the world, and we are mere His puppets.
And let me tell you, it feels really light and stress-free to let go of the control, and just let God lead the way.
And now my heart is dancing, just like the bird is singing!
