Hope — the double edged sword!
Nobody has all the answers, so I was told.
But I wanted answers, to not all, but at least the most difficult questions - why I didn't get to do what I wanted, why the people I love abandon me, and the likes.
I hadn't slept properly for years, because my mind was too busy finding answers.
I used to think, that the day I get all my answers, would be the day I'll have a sound sleep.
I hadn't eaten mindfully for years, because my mind was too busy unravelling the mysteries of unexpected actions of predictable people.
I used to think, that the day I decode the puzzles, would be the day I'll savour my food and fill my tummy to the brim.
When years and years passed by without answers, I was devastated. Not because I didn't have answers, but because I had lost hope.
Because I was told, that nobody has all the answers.
And despite that whenever I folded my hands in front of God, I had a deep sense of satiety and faith - a feeling that despite anything and everything, I'll be taken care of.
The problem with hope is that -
If you have hope, you don’t know where to stop.
But if you lose hope, you don’t even know where to start.
I had no idea when and where to stop hoping for the best.
Because despite all my best efforts, things weren't turning out much in my favour.
My mind was getting tired of holding onto hope for years now, but my heart was, again - hopeful.
We constantly live in the dread of missing out on things and opportunities and people and situations.
I feared the regret I'll probably have IF I give up.
So I thought of giving my life and God, one last shot - of Hope.
I tried to fill myself with Faith, that all is just the way it should be.
I accepted that I was destined to be the way I am, and where I am.
So once again, I clambered onto Hope, thinking this will be the last time I'm facing disappointment.
But sadly, it wasn't the last.
Maybe, it was the second-last, I was told.
Give it one more shot.
And thus began the vicious cycle, of Hope, and expectations, and disappointments.
Every time I hope and expect the best, I meet disappointments.
Hope - does it really let you live?
Does it not kill you with thoughts of the endless probabilities and possibilities?
But, does that mean you lose Hope?
Well, that’ll make you shatter to pieces.
And when you've lost Hope,
There's no reason to gather yourself up,
No reason to stitch up your wounds and smile,
Not enough reason to live and survive the world.
Isn't it a dilemma?
To Hope, or to not to?
That's where Faith comes into picture.
Surprisingly, all throughout, I forgot to instil myself with Faith - in the Supreme Power, or God, as you say.
I was skipping steps, and that's why I was failing.
Faith is the belief that nothing bad will happen, whereas Hope is the 'expectation' that nothing bad will happen!
Because,
Faith comes first, and then comes Hope.
As our faith grows; we learn to Hope, but without expectations.
So while Hope can fail you, Faith never does!
