LIFE — to live as it is? Or wait for it to get better?
One fine day, he walked into her life — unannounced. He pinged and pinged, till she melted. He pulled her into his world, and she let him sway her.
When she looked at him, she saw the depth of honesty in his eyes.
When she blabbered, he never forgot to lend her an ear.
When she heard him talk, she could sense the purpose he had in life.
When she asked him out, all he had was time for her.
When she saw him work, she could perceive his dreams and aspirations.
Time, Honesty, Maturity, Attention — all he had.
Truth, Intent, Endurance — all she needed.
All she wanted — to be heard and understood; without being judged.
Was it asking for too much? She didn’t think so. That’s just the bare minimum. And it fell really well with him.
Cumulative Growth and Fulfilment was the aim.
“Possible?” She asked herself.
“Definitely!” replied her inner voice.
If at all you could look at him straight in the eye, you would have drowned in his ocean-deep, sparkly eyes.
If at all you could listen to him intently, you would get lost in his deep breathy voice.
If at all you could see him smile, you would want to perish in those red, sultry lips.
If at all you could see his sure-footed walk, you would want to die for his conviction.
If at all you could see him work, you couldn’t care more for his diligence.
If only you could meet him, you would understand why she didn’t mind waiting end-to-end for his time, efforts and affection.
With him, it was the small things that mattered.
The flowers bought,
The door opened,
The chair pulled,
The handsel gifted,
The roses preserved.
It was the consistency that had appealed her in the first place.
Not today or tomorrow, but every single day.
The words expressed,
The matters solved,
The efforts made,
The time given,
The conversations engaged.
But then, when her heart thumped — with fear, anticipation, expectations; she turned towards him and looked fondly, deep into his eyes.
The moment her lips fluttered, he shook his head.
“Some questions are better left unasked, and some things better left unsaid!” He said.
He turned around to walk away, and she shed a silent tear, numb with fear, mourning the loss.
She cried, and cried. The wet pillows were a witness to that. The sad smile, the glitter-less eyes, the lost appetite, the mood swings — all wore her heart heavy.
“It is important to be able to sleep peacefully. Don’t let regret or guilt keep you up all night. If there’s something bothering you; speak it up, bring it out, and let me know. Be at peace with yourself.” Her mom pleaded. She couldn’t see her lumber around like a zombie.
Every person you meet, is either a lesson or a blessing.
She had learnt her lesson. ‘You don’t always get what you want. Most of the time, you have to learn to be okay with what you get. Don’t expect life to be fair. Just because you don’t eat the lion, you can’t expect the lion to not eat you. Life, is unfair. But life isn’t that unfair. The fact that it is unfair to everyone, makes it so very fair.’
All she wanted was him. To run back into his arms and cry over his shoulders. But all she had was — his void.
She had read this somewhere -
Set it free. If it’s meant to be yours, it’ll come back. If it doesn’t, it was never yours.
But is that easy? To forget and forgive? To put the past behind and move on?
All throughout when she wanted to vanish into thin air, she wanted to be found.
All along when she sought validation from people around her, all she needed was her own affirmation.
All those times when she actually wanted to be left alone, she felt down right lonely.
When she felt she needed company, solitude was all she required.
And when she thought she wanted to listen; all she wanted, was to be heard.
“What next?” She was perturbed. She had a vacuum to fill. All of a sudden, the world had come to a standstill.
“Can I miss him mom?” She asked with teary eyes.
“Of course darling! Missing someone is your heart’s way of reminding you that you loved them.”
“Can I still love him?”
“Why not? You cannot un-love anyone. You can just love someone more.”
“Can I fall in love again?”
“Fall in love with yourself. Love the feeling of falling in love with yourself. Heal yourself. Love what you have, before life teaches you to love what you lost.”
She had no idea what had happened, why he walked out on her. No answers to her why, when, or how.
“I still miss you, but it’s getting easier. One day i will find some closure.
That sting of remembrance and memories in the back of my heart, it will come and go; until i learn to differentiate between closure and disguised denial.”
We demand closure as though our lives were put together as neatly as novels, but the fact of the story is they’re not. In real life, relationships are chaotic and poorly written, ending too early, or too late, and sometimes in the middle of the road. You never get closure on anything. Things leave a permanent mark on you, always.
Closure is a myth. The way people leave you, the way they exit your life, the way they leave their relationship or connection with you, is all the closure you need. Find clarity in actions, not in words. Don’t run behind answers.
But isn’t it important to have answers in any relationship that ends — from a romantic relationship to friendship? You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended, however hurting and brutal the reason be. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase.
Like time suspended, a wound unmended — you and I.
We had no ending, no said goodbye;
For all my life, I’ll wonder why.
Maybe I’ll never know the answers i am looking for.
Closure. We all seek it. Those things we can’t find closure on, they haunt us. They pop up in our dreams, and creep into our thoughts in idle moments, like a mind bender that’s beyond our capacity, a mystery that just won’t be solved.
But, with time, it fades — the remembrances, the scars, the wounds. Time is the best healer.
Was it all a lie?
The spark and the glitter, the fondness and the affection?
Did she even know him? She still wonders.
“Stop expecting and start accepting. Don’t be a queen waiting on a king. Be a queen busy with her kingdom till her king arrives.
Choose Yourself. Choose Purpose. Respect. Clarity. Growth. Freedom. Healing.
Most importantly, choose Life.
Self-love isn’t vanity, its sanity. Self-love is not selfish. You cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.”
She had only one thing to tell him. “You’ve taught me more than you could ever imagine or would have wanted, and I’ve learnt way more than I thought I would! So thank you, for all of that!”
But, she is waiting. Deep down, her heart is aching; but, she is waiting. For — him.
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